Toilet Paper Emergency: Help Keep Nanowar Clean!
Dear reader,
times are hard and the outbreak of the Coronavirus epidemic has taken us all by surprise.
As Italians, we always prioritize good and plentiful food over any other thing, as you might be aware. When we stormed the supermarket to stockpile enough goods to survive the looming lockdown of our country, we didn’t think about buying non-edibles. You can still survive without soap and toothpicks, after all – that’s what we thought in a rush.
However, eating a lot (and good, to be honest) comes at a price. The digestive process of groceries culminates with the production of some nasty, dirty, brown byproducts called feces, that need to be expelled on a (more or less) daily basis.
It turns out, a key part of cleaning the stains feces leave during their expulsion involves a fairly common roll of white tissue, usually referred to as toilet paper. Indeed, toilet paper is usually plentiful and readily available in supermarkets during normal times but, in times of crisis such as the one we’re witnessing, it becomes a scarce good, disappearing quickly from the shelves of retailers.
Unfortunately, our pasta reserves (and the production of feces they entail) largely outstrip our toilet paper reserves, which already ran out, as you can see in the pictures. This means that we need to turn to the black market in order to get fresh toilet paper from a smuggler, as supermarket supplies are already over since a long time.
We need to buy at least 100 rolls, that is, 20 rolls per band member, and given that the current black market rate for toilet paper rolls is 20 euros each (largely due to a sharp loss of value of the Euro following Lagarde’s statements of the last weeks) we ask our fans, friends, followers and supporters for a donation here:
It is simply impossible to play music with your hands dirty after wiping your ass with your fingers, or walk around with dingleberries hanging from the lower parts of your body.
Help keeping Nanowar Of Steel clean!
Any donation will be MUCH appreciated!
Your dear (but no so clean) Nanowar Of Steel:
Poto, Baffo, Uinona, Abdul & Gatto
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PS: Ok, the joke ends here. We never ever seriously thought to raise money for our dirty asses – we never use toilet paper anyways. These are hard times but there’s nothing preventing us from laughing, so we thought we should start a fundraiser along the lines of what we are as persons and as a band. We think that irony and laughs are still needed in times of crisis.
To make things clear: ALL of the funds raised for this campaign will be donated to the Spallanzani Hospital in our hometown Rome:
https://donazioni.inmi.it/donations/raccolta-fondi-per-attivita-assistenziali-in-tema-di-covid-19/
We’re pretty sure it’s a much better cause, no matter how bad Abdul’s ass may stink after two weeks without toilet paper.
Thanks for reading these lines, and thanks for donating.